Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
