I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
