So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
