mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
high people should be assigned attendants
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
