And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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