I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize