He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
