just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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