That's intense
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Randomize
