I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize