i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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