I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
