i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
