So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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