she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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