I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
