she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
