Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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