Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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