Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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