You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
