I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
