The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
