at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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