you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Welp...herpes.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Randomize
