Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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