I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
