We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
