the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
