marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Randomize