So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Boobs are out for the taking
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
