Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
You are a genius and a whore.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
