remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
