I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I look better un-naked...
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
