lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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