you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
