even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
