Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
