I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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