Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
