i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
