i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
