i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
