I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
So many bounce houses so little time
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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