i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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