It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
