I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
