a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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