sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize