hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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