through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
