Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
