He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
i need some magic done to my vagina
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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