why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
