So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
sarcasm needs its own font
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
