This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Randomize
