so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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