Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
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