Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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