he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
