She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
