We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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