Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
