Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
