a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
