Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
