Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
