Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Randomize
