i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
