I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
