She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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